I say “Ashtanga”, you say “What?”

Attempted a similar pose to this last week. My knee is still navy blue. And there’s a bruise in my armpit. But I almost had it!! Mostly.

I have decided to embark on a journey. And I have no idea where it ends, or what’s waiting for me when I get there. Except maybe some sweet bendy contortionist moves.

Back when I had my stroke (18 months ago now!!) the one thing that I didn’t forsee as part of my aftermath is this crazy chronic joint pain I’ve had since I got out of the hospital. My hips, lower back, shoulders and even my elbows will randomly lock up, pinch, throb, or convince me I have broken something (we’re talking compound fracture pain here). I’ve talked to all my doctors about it…I took over the counter pain relief medicine for a period of time (no more!! that stuff just makes your stomach all wonky)…I even go to massage therapy once a month to keep me relatively mobile. But, without fail, by the end of each month I was feeling like I’d been in a bar fight. A bar fight during which a  big truck drove into the bar and smacked me directly in the back, while my bar fight opponents simultaneously punched me in all major joints related to anything your body does while it’s awake. Yeah. That bad. So at the first of the month I’d go crawling to my massage therapist, begging her to fix me and put everything back where it belongs. She would, and I’d feel pretty good…for about 3 or 4 days.

Me and this dog would so be besties. I dig his purpleness. And I think our rolls have been equivalently slowed.

I’m stretching my budget as it is with the once-a-month massage assist on the mobility front, so having the kinks worked out weekly just hasn’t been an option. I needed another solution, and fast. I thought perhaps increasing my muscle strength would help hold my joints together better (I’m not a doctor. I have no idea if this is a thing. It just certainly felt like all my connected bits were coming apart. Those are wrapped in muscle. Thus, more muscle = more connection between the bits. So there’s my underlying thought.)

Anyway, after researching things I could learn that would give me more muscle, that I could afford, and that would ultimately translate into something I could do at home FOR FREE – I picked a yoga class at our local rec center. For $5 a class, I could go up to twice a week, and reconnect my pieces…hopefully.

Honestly, I had practiced yoga sporadically for about 7 years. And by sporadically, I mean like, 25 times en total…and by practiced, I mean participated in. I just never got into the groove of it. It seemed like there was a lot of waiting around in awkward positions. I’m attention-deficit-hyperactive – awkward I can do – waiting, on the other hand, I definitely don’t do. I needed a more fidgety discipline. Or one with more talking.

I had nothing to lose this round, so I was feeling pretty determined. But I was totally not prepared for the awesomeness that awaited me. The compact power machine that walked in to teach that yoga class kicked my ever lovin’ ass with non-stop flow from one pose to the next. Based on breathing, not counting (I can’t keep a count to save my life…there’s so many other things to be thinking about) AND WITH NO WAITING!! Just constant, joyful motion. By the time we got to the nap at the end (more commonly known as Savasana, or corpse pose) I was wiped out and my muscles didn’t have enough strength left to even think about hurting. I was hooked…and afterward, I had the best night’s sleep I’d had in over a year.

[This video - that for some reason is frozen on a ridiculous boobs&abs shot - is pretty representative of the type of yoga taught at my class. This girl has really put together some great courses if you don't want to take a class, I've used them several times when practicing at home.]

Exhibit A: Bendyness Maximus

It’s been about 2-ish months now of weekly classes with my teacher, which have expanded into a 2-3 day per week practice (with the extra days taking place at home). I still get twinges and pain, but it’s manageable and I see a future without me in a wheelchair at 40 years young. It’s been so inspirational in fact, and I feel so amazing, that I have decided to embark upon the practice of Ashtanga yoga. This is going to require a great deal of dedication, is practiced 6 days a week, and the practice involves much more than just bending and breathing – but I believe it’s the next step for me. I believe there’s something incredible waiting on this path for me. And even if I don’t reach the end of this road, at least I’ll be mostly ouchless and super bendy. Which is okay by me. Really I don’t see how this isn’t a win-win situation.

I have a lot to learn though. Like A LOT. I’m on day 3 y’all. And I’m doing more reading

This is what the pose is supposed to look like (minus the usual head twist). However, I’m saying “do this” and my body is saying “you’re a lunatic, sit down immediately”

than practicing because I can only do about 30 minutes of the hour-and-a-half-primary series…right up to the part where you grab your big toe, stick your leg straight out to the side and look over your other shoulder. This is where gravity takes the mickey out of me, and my leg reminds me that my hamstring is more stubborn and ferocious than a starving hyena. But I’ll get there. Slowly, and with a lot of practice, I’ll get there.

And there’s sure to be some funny tidbits along the way, that I’ll happily share with you guys. See? There’s something in it for you too. It’s a win win win :)

XOXO

~ J ~

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Hi there. I’m not dead.

Despite what you may be thinking, I’m still here. It’s been a bit weird in my corner of the universe lately. And since I don’t exactly have permission to talk about the thing that’s been occupying my time…well…I just haven’t written anything. I’ve also been sleeping. Because I haven’t had much time for that wee bit of necessary since the first days of March blew past.

Just missing the bloggy universe and wanted to say hey. Also, I recently learned to kill stuff (and by stuff, I mean weeds) with vinegar. So we should chat about that later.

Hugs!!

~ J ~

Evidently, stress makes your hair grow really fast. You wouldn't think that'd be the case...

Evidently, stress makes your hair grow really fast. You wouldn’t think that’d be the case…

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Florida Woman Shot By Oven While Trying to Make Waffles…No, REALLY. THIS HAPPENED.

This jewel caught my eye this morning as I was reading up on the nasties people had to says about last night’s Oscar’s ceremony (honestly, the day-after smack talk is my favorite part of the whole thing) And I snorted milk up my nose when I read this tender prose of Florida love from our friends over at….

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Click this pic to read the rest of the article, because, in the words of my cousin Jell-Jell...it's mind bottling...

Click on the picture to read the rest of the article, because, in the words of my cousin Jell-Jell…it’s mind bottling…

Alternate link: Film Drunk – Florida Woman

Thanks Film Drunk. You just made my month.

XOXO

~ J ~

 

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It’s Friday. Welcome to Meme Town.

Today is the first day this week I haven’t had to wake up and hit the ground running. So I am taking my sweet ass time with some coffee, news and giggles this morning. I haven’t even started the dryer to “iron” my jeans yet. It’s beautiful…

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Muchas gracias to the funny meme folks that created my giggles this morning. I adore each and every one of you.

XOXO

~ J ~

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Spring 2013: The Season of the Brains

How is it that I’ve fallen into this routine of blogging, like, 3 days in a row, once a month?? Sigh. Just another sign that Spring is nigh I’m afraid.

Spring around here is when I wear earplugs to keep my brain from oozing out of my ears. Spring is when the fence business positively ‘splodes and my phone makes me feel like those old movie images of perfectly coiffed ladies at the Southwestern Bell switchboards.

Unlike these calm and utterly professional young women who have never had an eyelash out of place, however, I look more like PigPen trying to hang with the other Peanuts kids in some semblance of an efficient manner.

But, my infinite dust cloud is filled with puppies, shoelaces, notebooks, pens, laptop,  iPad, extra socks, my forever spilling cup of coffee that’s never quite warm enough,

Holding in of the brains...

Holding in of the brains…

headphones, invoices, order tickets, P.O.s, stray nickles/dimes/quarters that I unconciously throw in my pocket, and the incessant need to pee BECAUSE I AM NEVER OFF THE DAMN PHONE.

So. This year I’m rewarding myself for 2 solid years of hard work. This year I made friends with AT&T. This year I will not be alone. THIS YEAR I WILL HAVE GOOD HAIR AND HOT COFFEE.

Two of my contracted employees, at any given time that they’re working a shift – will have

Happy Jamie, owner of extra phones and amazing coffee.

Happy Jamie, owner of extra phones and amazing coffee.

one of the two (count ‘em – two) extra phones bestowed upon me by my friends at AT&T. They will take any calls that I can’t get to. They will take calls from people who speak the fast Spanish that I don’t quite have the prowess to keep up with yet. And they will keep my brains from oozing out of my ears.

You guys, I’m finally going to get to go pee when I want to.

Here’s to Spring 2013!!

XOXO

~ J ~

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Go home kitten, you are drunk.

Judgmental dogs do not condone underage feline drinking

Judgmental dogs do not condone underage feline drinking

Barley is tanked. After going to the vet to get spayed, Bar came home on a 48 hour pain relief shot. She also has a cone that she hates so much it makes her walk backwards. Nonetheless, I’m exploiting my kitten’s misery in the name of hilarious.

XOXO

~  J ~

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Budgeting Like a Boss: Aspirin Masks for a case of the Lovelies

IMG_4444So we just recently discussed my being poor and making stuff so I can still be a fancy lady in my post about the amazing Thyme Toner - well guess what my most favorite frankensteins!?! That toner has a compadre and her name is Aspirin Mask!!

And it’s exactly what it sounds like. I’m terribly sorry I can’t provide more drama and wonderment…or even a drumroll. But alas – this shiz is worth your time!! Work a Thyme Toner -slash- Aspirin Mask combo and your pants’ll be so fancy you’ll grow Jimmy Choos overnight that match everything you’ll ever wear, and they’ll come with a free castle. Speaking of which…do you vacuum castles? Sweep? How does that even work? Are there castle Roombas? I bet the stairs are a bitch.

Anyway, the aspirin mask has major bonuses: (a) It’s CHEAP (b) It has very few instructions, for those of us that slightly suck at following them (c) IT WORKS (d) It’s a two-fer, it clears blemishes and exfoliates!! HUZZAH!!

Here’s what you’re going to want to do:

  1. Crush 3 regular 325mg aspirin into a fine powder (doesn’t matter what brand, so buy IMG_4442whatever’s cheapest) – I use a mortar and pestle because it’s easy and I make less of a mess
  2. Add in 3 pea-sized drops of Aloe Vera Gel (as close to 100% pure aloe as you can find)
  3. Mix it up with your finger – apply over entire face, or just blemished areas, with finger tips – make sure to avoid that tender eye area. It’s not creamy like a mud mask, sorta gritty with the grit all randomly spaced on your face, but trust me, it’s doing it’s job on there.
  4. Let dry. (I usually do deodorant, body lotion, and brush teeth while I wait)IMG_4443
  5. Run some hot water, and get your fingertips wet – rub gently into the mask in a circular motion, adding water to fingers as necessary, until you’ve remoistened your entire face. This shouldn’t cause you physical discomfort, it should just create a nice scrubby feeling
  6. Wet a washcloth under the hot water and do a thorough job of removing the remainder of the maskIMG_4446
  7. Pat face dry with a clean towel, apply your preferred toner, and a good restorative moisturizing night cream
  8. Your skin will thank you by being softer than the day you were born.
  9. Repeat 1-2 times a week, depending on your skin’s needs (don’t overdo it or you’ll see redness) for clear, smooth, naturally gorgeous skin.

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Side Bar: Benjamin and I are trying to get preggs, so I’ve got to check with the doc on this one – I’ve read that your skin absorbs 68% of what you touch and processes it through your liver – so I just want to make sure it’s okay to carry on with my favorite mask during that whole gestation thing. If you’re preggo or TTC, check with your doc too, every lady’s different and I want to make sure all those bebes stay safe and lovely <3

XOXO

~ J~

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